he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
