How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
