there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize