I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
