i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
are you so shy because you have an std?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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