Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
