I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
