She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
