Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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