nut hugger
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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