girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
