i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
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