you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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