I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You need Xanax blowdarts
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
