yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Actions speak louder than pants.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
