you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
