And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
