some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize