Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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