they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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