i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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