This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize
