Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(541): View more from Oregon

In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?

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(949): View more from California

the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach

(1-949): View more from California

um or while having sex on a train

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(804): View more from Virginia

I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.

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(785): View more from Kansas

We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.

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(678): View more from Georgia

I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at

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(740): View more from Ohio

Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level

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(931): View more from Tennessee

i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!

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