just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
