i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
