this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
