Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
