I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
