on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
