i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize