Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We need to get me chipped asap
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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