Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
you made out with another girl for some wings
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
