I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize