96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
