That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize