1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
