He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
