He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
