So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
