i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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