remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
