Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Randomize
