eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
