My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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