Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
