And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
