new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
