I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
