My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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