Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
