Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
