I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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