Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
honey bunches of taint.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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