You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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