'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
