Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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