wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
