i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I wish you could order shots online.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
