We won't sleep together?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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