Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
