It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
