if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Randomize