how can u be prego again
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize