You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
