She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
