maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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