So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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