You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
