It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize