I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
