I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
