i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
