I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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