did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
