NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
